Jerry, you need to find god
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
