It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
