I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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