i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
