She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
