you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
