I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
