I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
