The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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