I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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