found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
