I think im going to throw up on grandma
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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