I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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