Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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