Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
