So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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