Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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