She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
