I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
