So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
