Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
