I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize