I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
smell my finger.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
i now understand why vodka
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
