We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
