I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
