I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
