I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.