Who wears a wallet chain?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?