and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship