ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD