I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail