I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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