We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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