I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
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Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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