from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
