Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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