need another drink. this is the easiest way
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
