Yo dont text me then not text me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it