I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
