My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
