tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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