My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
