You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
