The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
