there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
