then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
