overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
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they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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