is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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