It's like God shit irony all over that family
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
