The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
