I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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