my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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