Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
