He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
