we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My feet surprised me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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