On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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