The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
