I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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