I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
