I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
