I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
