She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
