I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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