guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
