i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
